Survive Better With You
by RikersSB
Summary: A Nothing Human coda. B'Elanna struggles to let go of her anger as she and Chakotay discuss right and wrong over a cup of coffee.


B'Elanna sat quietly, staring off into the distance over a cup of hot coffee. Or at least Neelix's latest attempt at such. She hadn't tried it yet and couldn't vouch for the accuracy of the label. Bringing the coffee up to her mouth, she inhaled the scent tentatively as she watched the stars pass by out the mess hall window.

It seemed inoffensive enough, and she was about to take a sip when Chakotay appeared at her shoulder.

"I was afraid you wouldn't make it this week."

B'Elanna looked up at her oldest friend with a scowl. "Well, I'm here, aren't I?"

He gave her a reassuring smile, bronze skin crinkling around his eyes. "And I'm glad to see it."

She sighed and finally took a sip of the "coffee," only to wrinkle her nose at the taste. _Well, at least it_ _'_ _s strong_.

Chakotay sat down across from her and poured a cup for himself out of the small carafe on the table between them. They'd had a weekly coffee date as long as they'd been on _Voyager_ , and so far, they'd successfully kept up the tradition, barring grievous injury or other unexpected emergencies.

It was an appointment she usually looked forward to. Being the chief engineer and the first officer made them the busiest people on the ship other than the captain, and between both of their schedules, it was often hard for them to get much time to connect.

But this week, B'Elanna hadn't particularly wanted to spend time with _anyone_.

"How are you feeling?" Chakotay asked before raising the cup to his lips.

B'Elanna bit back a growl. "Alive."

"You're still upset by what happened."

She rolled her eyes. "Your powers of perception never cease to amaze me, Chakotay."

Across from her, he pursed his lips and set down his coffee. "B'Elanna, I'm not the enemy here."

Unfortunately, she knew he was right. With a glare, she returned to her coffee. "No. That's Captain Janeway. And Tom."

"B'Elanna… " Chakotay paused. Sighed. "You know they were just doing what they thought was best."

Her fingers tightened on the mug in her hands and her jaw clenched. "That doesn't make it right, and you know it!" she bit out. Afterwards, she looked hurriedly around the mess hall, afraid that someone might have noticed her outburst. But she was relieved to see that it was still empty. Meeting at an off-hour had its advantages.

Chakotay nodded. "Yes. And no."

B'Elanna's head swiveled back around to him. She fixed him angrily under her gaze. "What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?"

He withered a little under the intensity of her stare. "I'm not saying I agree with them. When the captain was deciding what to do, I fought for you, I _told_ them you didn't want this. That they couldn't violate that." He shook his head. "But that's the problem B'Elanna." He reached out for her hand, and she left him take it. He stared deeply into her eyes, and she stared back in slight confusion. "In an ideal situation, that would be the only thing that mattered. But this isn't an ideal situation. You weren't the only one who was going to be affected by the captain's decision."

B'Elanna's eyes hardened and she pulled her hand away. "Fine. Take her side, I should have known you would."

"Just _listen_ for once!" Chakotay's voice was only slightly raised, but it was so uncommon, it always succeeded in getting B'Elanna's attention.

Her jaw clenched, but she held her tongue and stared at him, waiting.

"If you had died, Voyager would have lost its chief engineer. If you weren't here, do you think we'd be as likely to make it home? Who else would die because we didn't have someone with your skill, creativity, and determination in charge of Engineering?"

She wanted to argue why he was wrong, but the words died on her lips. _That damned department would fall to pieces in a month without me…_

He continued, heedless of B'Elanna's internal monologue. "So, it isn't just your life that she had to take into account, but the lives of everyone on this ship. Lives that might be lost without you. And Tom—"

"Hmph." B'Elanna crossed her arms, glad to feel back on solid ground, not caring for the moral ambiguity that Chakotay had introduced. "What about him? If he loved me—" She swallowed, looking everywhere but at Chakotay. "If he really loved me, he'd have respected my wishes."

"I'm not so sure—"

"Even if he does," she cut in, "the fact that he doesn't want to be _sad_ just means that he loves himself more than me." By the time she was finished, she was speaking at barely more than a whisper and she hated herself for sounding so weak and vulnerable.

"But it's more than that. He doesn't love you—he _needs_ you." B'Elanna looked at him skeptically. "Look, Paris and I haven't always been close. We haven't always gotten along, or seen eye to eye. But there's no way you can deny that man's feelings for you. If he lost you… if _we_ lost you, he'd fall apart." He sighed and stared down at his coffee for a moment. "B'Elanna, it's not about whether their decisions, and their feelings, were right or wrong. But we are all just trying to survive in this world the best way we can." B'Elanna sat quietly for several long moments, not knowing how to respond. When she didn't, he continued. "We _need_ you, B'Elanna. Tom needs you. We all survive better with you."

"Okay, okay! Fine!" She felt uncomfortable under his gaze and just wanted him to stop talking. "You've made your point."

After that, they sat quietly for some time, sipping their coffee as B'Elanna struggled to figure out what to do with this information. The anger was fading, but... "I'm not ready to forgive them."

Much to B'Elanna's consternation, Chakotay smiled. "That's okay. True forgiveness takes time. I know it feels slow, but eventually all of this will be behind us. We'll move on."

"Will we?"

"We will." His tone had an air of finality to it, and after he finished, they both fell silent.

B'Elanna took another sip of coffee. She hoped he was right. But how do you forgive people for violating your wishes this way? Was it possible? Or did you just ignore it and pretend until things felt almost normal again? She felt herself getting worked back up again, but before she could say anything, they were interrupted by the loud gurgle of her stomachs.

Chakotay smothered a grin. "Hungry?"

"I haven't eaten much." He gave her a look, and she continued, rather defensively informing him that "I haven't been very hungry recently!"

He stood up, and put a hand on her shoulder. "Sandwich?" Her stomachs rumbled again in response. "I'll take that as a yes."

B'Elanna glared. _I guess life goes on_. "Fine. But you're buying."


End file.
